Can There Be Too Much Togetherness on a Weekend Getaway?

A weekend away together does not mean every minute has to be together.

It’s been a long time since David and I did a weekend away that had nothing attached to it.  No seeing the kids; no visiting family; NO TRIATHLON; no concert; nothing… Just a weekend away.

Sounds crazy, I know, with how much we travel.  We didn’t talk about expectations or make any plans. We just packed up and headed off.  What did we choose to take with us?  We packed our bike helmets, his fly fishing gear, books, hiking boots, and a cooler full of real food, and headed off.  Did you catch the, we didn’t talk about expectations.

The unspoken expectation in each of our heads was that we would spend the whole weekend together, right?  Well, not in my head, but it was the expectation in my hubby’s head.  It turns out he had been thinking about this for a while.  He was in search of something we could do together.  Truth is, we do a lot together, especially after nearly 10 years of his commuting.  Just being together every night was more together than we had ever had.  But still, in his expectations, we would find something to do together.

We looked at tandem bikes, but nixed that because of our daughter.  When we mentioned our idea to her over a recent lunch in NYC, she said, “Please don’t. That’s weird”.  We also talked about a double kayak and camping; granted my style of camping not his.  But, it was still just talk.  So, off we went with nothing planned for our weekend away other than a location for our adventure and place to stay; A-Lodge in Boulder, Colorado.

The drive was great.  8 hours flew by.  It was our first “roadtrip” or being in the car for more than 3-4 hours.  We had a great dinner in a cute little town at the foothills of the Sand Hills.  It was so cool.  I went to the bathroom and when I got back, David had already ordered us dinner and a drink.  We shared the famous Prime Rib Dinner at Ole’s Big Game Steak House, yum.  We ended up spending the night in Denver since we drove straight through, and headed off to Boulder the next morning.

After we arrived at A-Lodge, we explored the property and went for a walk down Boulder Creek and that’s when it happened.  I suggested we head back and David grab his fly rod and come back to go fishing.  Honestly, I was thinking I would curl up in the chair by the creek on the property and read my book.  David said, “NO, wait what, did I hear that right, NO”.  It had been years since he cast his rod into water like this and what about my book.  We walked on in silence and I could see his brain turning.  So, I asked why and this is what I got.

Since I am not going to be training for Ironman distance races for a while, I thought we should do more together.  That’s why I wanted to get a tandem bike.  I wanted to find things we could do together.

Well, while that is sweet and all. it was not my expectation.  Truth is, I like my alone time when we are away.  It is great being together, but not every minute and every activity needs to be together.  Even with his training backing down a little and us traveling more, together no way means we need to be locked at the hip.  I like to go for short runs, he likes to go for long runs.  I like to fly fish, he loves to fly fish.  There is a balance.

So, the walk down Boulder Creek was one of those moments that helped shaped this part of our life together.  His sweet expectation of us doing everything together was not his real expectation.  He just felt guilty having more time and not spending every second with me.  And, honestly, my expectation was that sometimes when we are away together we would not be together.  It took us that great hike together to figure it out.

At the end of the day, he grabbed his rod, had no guilt, and spent a couple of hours of nice alone time fly fishing.  I fished a bit too that weekend, but mostly caught up on my reading.  We also made time for some great food and wine.

Life is good and I’m so thrilled we got this “together time” figured out.  A great lesson was also reinforced – don’t forget to communicate!

Since our weekend in Boulder, we spent 10 days in the Pacific NorthWest.  Not only did we chat about our expectations, but we made time for David to fish alone on the river one night.  Granted, that included a stop at the Orvis store and a purchase of a new rod, but he “needed” it.  Just like all that triathlon gear!

Me, well I had a wonderful walk on the 2 miles of property the owners had on the Yakima River and the next day we spent 9 hours fly fishing together.  It was wonderful…

Dana Zucker

I am a home cook that does things my way. In my kitchen, I make breakfast, pack lunches, prepare snacks, and cook dinner. During the week, we eat real food that is homemade, organic, and local. On the weekends we do explore more of our local restaurants. I bake my own bread, juice fresh oranges every other day, and make my own kombucha and other weekly favorites.