I’ve noticed a distinct change in my marriage lately and I’m not sure if it’s bad or normal. I didn’t include good here, because I’m not thinking that’s an option.
My marriage is experiencing more periods of silence.
Oh, we’ve always had moments of silence. Some just the normal course of 2 people living together; some the result of being together 20+ years; and some due to fights. But, I really hadn’t given it much thought…until recently.
I first took notice of this change at home during dinner. Normally, I’d ask about his day and if I was lucky, we’d get to mine before we finished eating. But, regardless, we always talked. Now, sometimes I asked sometimes I didn’t, sometimes he’d volunteer, sometimes he wouldn’t. Eating had now overtaken conversation and we were finishing our meals in record time.
Then, I also noticed the same silence in the car, during commercial breaks watching TV, on Sunday mornings working in the kitchen, taking walks with the pups on the weekends…And, then I started to worry and then I started to think why was this happening. What was different?
When I looked back on our recent life, two things really stood out that have changed this past year – my husband’s work load and subsequent stress has greatly increased and his triathlete training has greatly decreased, as a result of both his work and an injury. The work has certainly resulted in a lot less time that we spend together, both when he puts in long hours at the office and when he goes into his office when he’s home. Add onto this the stress of buying a new house and the sale of the old house falling through two days before closing and…
This realization started me wondering…Do you get out of sync with each other when you’re apart a lot and get used to filling the partner’s conversation void with other activities and people? Have we replaced each other? Are we bored? Either scenario really scares me…
So, what to do? Has anyone experienced the same thing in your marriage? Most importantly, is it cause for concern? Have you experienced just a period when the dynamics of the marriage have changed and what has happened? I haven’t brought it up to my husband yet, because I don’t want to give him any cause to think there’s an issue when there isn’t. But, wondering if I should…
Sherry is one of the TriWivesClub and LifeDoneWell co-founders and contributes to multiple blogs. She is a former co-owner of the California Apparel News and had a career in the healthcare industry. Her passions include traveling, real food, the environment, and animal rescue/welfare. She lives a healthy lifestyle and has been a vegetarian since 1987. She and her husband are parents to two rescue pups and reside in Connecticut.