My family in action…
Hands up if you are tired of people telling you to stop living through others and live for yourself. My hand is WAY up! For those who say we do too much for others and for those who say we have no life of our own, I have one thing to say – Stop telling me how I should live and ask me if the life I am living is making me happy!
This life I have is of my choosing; it is who I am. I have NO desire to do anything else and if I do, I will.
Okay, let’s back up. I define myself as a woman, wife, and mother. What do I do for my family? I cook. I clean. I do laundry. I book travel. I order what my family needs and I help them from the background. But, I am not THAT MOM or THAT WIFE. I don’t tell my kids or their coaches how to do their sports. I don’t have a clue how they score diving and I have no idea who is trying out to be cast in what dance. And, I don’t micromanage any aspect of my husband’s life, but I am there for moral support and to make both of our lives easier.
But, I also have a life for myself. The life I went to school for. The life I studied for to be exact. For goodness sake, I have my BS and MS in Child Development and Family Studies and have held many positions over the years. But, long ago, I knew that I also wanted to be a great wife and a fabulous mom. Well, check and check. I’m doing it and I am so happy.
Recently, I flew from Omaha to Atlanta to see my son dive in his first ever college UAA championship. He is a first year student at Brandeis University and a first year diver. He was a gymnast in high school and as the path of many other gymnasts, he became a diver in college. As I was in flight, I started to cry happy tears. The caring flight attendant even asked me if everything was okay as I was tearing up so bad; nothing a little glass of bubbly didn’t fix. Once I was able to pull myself together, I wrote my husband a quick text. It started like this:
You see, before the twins were born, we knew we were a great team. David loves a challenge and loves to work. He loves numbers and building business. He thrives on working with others and making businesses ever stronger. He is, as many would say, a true businessman. Me, I am a true nurturer. I love helping others. I love kids, families, dynamics, and I love home. This is what gives me true pleasure.
Although I worked outside of the home, I never really sought out a career. As David’s work moved us around, I always seemed to be volunteering or something would fall in my lap. I wanted the challenge, but it was ALWAYS second to supporting David and the kids. That is what I love to do most. I know that their success is great because I was able to provide the physical environment, food, time, and nurturing they needed. He worked endless hours outside of the home, while I worked endless hours in the home and well, outside too, just not at his level.
Through our dedication to his work and our family, together we are able to do what we do. You see David was to go with me this week to Atlanta, but work called and he couldn’t, so I changed our plans and went solo. I get it, the kids get it, and David gets it. I mean, how fortunate are we that I can board the dogs, book a plane ticket and hotel, and be away for 5 days to support our children?
It was hard on David not being there and hard on me being there alone, but these are our roles and we accept and appreciate them. David does not get upset that I get to go and he doesn’t and I don’t get upset being left to travel alone. This is just how we built our lives.
My family shortly before the kids took off for college…
People often tell us how “lucky” we are. But, we don’t look at it as being lucky. Rather, we made a conscious decision to build our lives this way. We chose to raise our children like this and me, well, I am living my dream. As the children continue to grow and thrive, I am able to be with them and support them. And, as David continues to grow in his career and race, I continue to support him.
So, the next time you want to look over the fence and wonder about me or my family, take a moment to appreciate how successful and happy each of the four of us are as individuals and how strong our ties are as a family unit. I am truly not being critical of how anyone else lives their life, which is my point. I am living MY dream, stinky piles of triathlon clothes and all! And, I want you to live yours…
– DANA
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I am a home cook that does things my way. In my kitchen, I make breakfast, pack lunches, prepare snacks, and cook dinner. During the week, we eat real food that is homemade, organic, and local. On the weekends we do explore more of our local restaurants. I bake my own bread, juice fresh oranges every other day, and make my own kombucha and other weekly favorites.
I LOVED this article! Life should be about what makes you happy not what other ppl this makes people happy in general. Great hearing form this perspective! also that text message was so flipping cute 🙂
I should know you’d approve! Not too mushy? Hope you’re doing well…
never too mushy for this love bug <3
Did you get the love bug gene from your mom or dad???
YES! Being a parent is a choice. It’s a brilliant, amazing, wonderful choice that is emotional and totally worth every moment. Your family makes me smile. I hope to meet your kids some day. They sound incredible, and I love that you are so supportive and involved with them when they are out fulfilling their own destinies.
Thanks Jen! And yes, you will get to meet them. They will be home for the first time in 9 years for the summer. They have always been traveling or at sleep away camp so I am so excited to spend the summer with my young adults. Keep being you and the wonderful mom and partner you are!
Amen! I chose to stay home almost a decade ago and have been blessed with a supportive husband who allowed me to be able to do that and care for our three kids. I have an MBA and I choose to do what makes me happy and provide for my family. The first few years as a sahm I hated the question ‘What do you do?’ because my answer was ‘I am a mom.’ I felt judged, but then I realized the only one I need to answer to is me and my family. I am an act of service person to show love, so when I cook, clean and care for kids it makes my heart feel full. I know staying home with kids is not for everyone, but is everything for me. I love being there for my little ones and enjoy every moment.
Great post Dana!
Nicole, THANK YOU! And good for us! It is amazing what can happen when you make a decision with your partner for the whole of the family which includes us as moms. I don’t need to be anything but ME! Keep doing that too.
Very well said! At the end of the day I believe it’s “Each to their own” and do what you believe is right for you and your family. In the early days of our marriage I still had my demanding but very stimulating career but it’s since lost its appeal and I’ve lost my ambition to work endless hours at it. I love my time with my family and have a non-stressful part-time job. And I also think nobody should ever judge another until they’ve walked a mile in that person’s shoes. Go for it, do what you believe is right!
I am not sure why people feel the need to stick their nose in someone else’s business and give advice to those around them… But they do.
I feel like parenting always comes with guilt. There are so many ways to feel inadequate about! I chose to work 3 jobs while pregnant so I could stay home with my son after he was born. I feel like once you have kids you need to be there for them. I didn’t just stay home with him, I worked hard to be a good parent. When people told me I got lucky to have a smart kid I nodded my head and thought to myself that smart kids come to moms that put some effort into them from the get go. Exercise, healthy eating habits, natural delivery and hours of reading, singing and playing on top of meeting every need and loving your child work wonders 🙂 Keep rocking the Mom thing!
Anna,
You keep being you. I find it so hard sometimes but you are right we have to keep rocking the Mom thing! Parenting is so so tough but so so rewarding!
Dana,
Thank you for writing such a well worded article! I can totally relate to everything you said in the I am not that mom article!
I have my BSW and my husband and I too made choices to build and live a lifestyle much like you and David! He is the business man and I am the behind the scenes support for our 2 compettive swimmers, busy business man/ tri athlete. I often get comments like ” your husband is lucky that you allow him to train and race like that!” Well first if all he is his own person and training and racing makes him happy! And I am happy to support him and the kids I every aspect of their lives! I am not hard done by! Just the opposite! I am truely fortunate! I get to be the mom and wife of 3 amazing individuals and I choose to work hard behind the scenes cooking, cleaning and volunteering endless hours at their swim meets etc.! Like you it makes me happy! And in turn I have been awarded with being able to travel internationally to support them in triathlon and swimming and see my husband and son’s reach their goals! And right now as my triathlete is out running in preparation for his race this weekend, I am doing what I want to do! Enjoying our family spring break with a quiet coffee in beautiful Palm Desert! And I wouldn’t change a thing!
Denise- You have me tearing up happy tears right now. I beat to my own drum like you, but sometimes the comments get overwhelming! So nice to have a soul sister…Enjoy the Palm Desert and hope our paths cross at the race soon. Enjoy the family!