A triathlete and his coach…
When my husband DNF’d at Arizona, if you read my post on giving support, you know he had a lot going on in his life this past year that contributed to this result. When we got home, he seemed to be in just a bit of a funk and was very tired – he even left a duffle bag with all of his travel items, including 2 suits and shirts on the train the next day. He hasn’t been sleeping well for a while and this has always had me concerned. So, when he told me he had to talk to his coach about the race, it made me wonder just how much he actually does tell him. I guess he has no reason to keep things from his coach or candy coat it, but who knows with guys and they are Ironmen!
This did make me question if I should step in and tell his coach what I’m observing in my trihubby just to ensure he does know. If he already does, then great, no harm done. If he doesn’t, then hey, I’m adding to the complete picture that he needs to know to be the best coach. Plus, it also becomes a health issue, as perhaps workouts should be scaled back a bit to avoid injury. But, for some reason I didn’t think it was quite that simple and realized here’s a HUGE but in there – Am I overstepping boundariess as the triwife/tripartner?
I seriously had to consider the potential fallout from my actions should my trihubby be furious at me for doing this behind his back. Was it worth risking a rift in our marriage? And, the big question I had was – If he hadn’t told him, why not? I had to weigh the pros and cons over in my mind and make the best decision I could and the one I felt was in his best interest – I went ahead and spoke to his coach. I really felt the situation warranted ensuring he had the complete picture. And guess what, he did not….
I’m not sure I would do this again, though. It really has to be on a case by case basis, because you are taking a chance with breaking a trust between you and your husband and it is stressful making the decision.
Are you wondering how this all turned out? Me too…While I never told his coach not to tell my husband that I “ratted him out”, I also never mentioned it myself – until now when he reads this post…
– SHERRY
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IN THIS SITUATION? DID I OVERSTEP MY ROLE?
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Sherry is one of the TriWivesClub and LifeDoneWell co-founders and contributes to multiple blogs. She is a former co-owner of the California Apparel News and had a career in the healthcare industry. Her passions include traveling, real food, the environment, and animal rescue/welfare. She lives a healthy lifestyle and has been a vegetarian since 1987. She and her husband are parents to two rescue pups and reside in Connecticut.
I think I would have done the same thing. As a triwife, we are fully invested in every area of our partners’ lives, not just as athletes, and we see how ‘little things’ start to add up and effect them long before they realize it. Also, as a woman, I think we see how everything effects our trihubby’s success in their training and race performance and we want them to succeed – always. I hope that his coach is able to see how everything in your athlete’s life is intertwined, and that the little things add up over time and the mental mindset that they have while going thru their workout. Wouldn’t it be nice if the coaches, triwives and Ironmen felt like a team all working toward the same shared goal…. 🙂
Wow, great insight. It sounds like you’ve thought about this before. Luckily, he has a coach who believes in the connectivity and the team approach, but it hasn’t always been so. Plus, I don’t think they always believe that every little thing has to be shared or could be an issue. Haven’t heard from my husband yet, though….