We all know that having a triathlete partner can be both really awesome and really awful. From the time triathletes spend training to special eating needs to money spent to missed kids’ events to questionable vacation venues, it can really cause issues for a triwife. But, since living with a triathlete and being all-out is a little impossible, we have identified triathlete wife (husband) types that you just might relate to…
4 Triathlete Wife (Husband) Types
The “I’m All-In” Supporter
We are talking matching race day shirts, kids’ hair with matching bows, and homemade signs. This is an all-in supporter, giving love and attention to the triathlete everyday. They wake up early to show their support by filling water bottles for morning workouts, making post workout shakes, and even sometimes riding the bike along side your triathlete on a training ride. At the races, they arrive with the triathlete with tired kids in tow and find the best places to offer support and have bells and signs ready.
We are here to say that we started our triathlon life this way and in a way still are, but the true romance of being the All-In Supporter does die off after a year or so. Sorry to burst that bubble. A couple strong of you may survive, but most do not, as being an All-In Supporter is exhausting for both the wife and family.
The “I’ll Support Him, But What’s In It For Me” Supporter
This is where we currently fall. We started like most as the All-In Supporter, but ended up here. We are happy they race and happy it makes them happy, but we no longer provide an all-in type of support. The realities of life have set in.
This wife can now sleep through the 4:30AM alarm and expects dirty water bottles to at least end up in the sink and GU packets to be out of the bike jersey before the jersey hopefully ends up in the laundry basket. We still fuel them and cheer them on at the races, but we balance our time between providing support and enjoying ourselves.
For example, why should I sit around with him the day before a race while in an exotic location? We hit the jungle spa or go zip-lining, while they hang back with their feet up in the hotel room and check their bike in. We look less at what we can do for them and more at what are the perks for me of him being a triathlete.
The “It’s Good For Him, So I Will Support Him” Supporter
There are many triathletes who start racing for health reasons, for a way to destress, or to drop a few pounds. These triwives know it is a good thing for their partner, but are not 100% sold on it being their responsibility to be all-in, too. They understand the need for the triathlon addition in their lives and respect that. They may even change the way the family eats and head out to a local race to offer support, but show up at race time, not at body marking 2 hours prior to race start.
This triwife does often get more involved little by little. This sometimes evolves into the best type of relationship with a triathlete, because it is not forced upon them, but becomes a way of life. They can find a happy balance for the family – that is until the triathlete becomes tri-crazy.
The “It’s His Thing” Supporter
This is the hands-off triwife. We know many of these, but actually not very well…We have met them once or twice at a race and then when they don’t show up for a race, we have found ourselves ending up being the support team for their triathlete. Which is okay, because hey, we’re out there on the course anyway!
This triwife supports by not complaining about the triathlon lifestyle and allows the triathlete to handle all of their own stuff, like fueling, gear, laundry, and race days. It’s this triwife who will show up time to trim at races alone or with the kids if it fits into the family’s schedule. There is no resentment and no discouragement, just an understanding that this is what works for triathlons to be part of their lives.
So, these are the types of triathlete wives we have been at one time or another over the years. We’re sure there are others and would love to hear from you…
Do you fall into any of these categories or do you have your own?
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Sherry is one of the TriWivesClub and LifeDoneWell co-founders and contributes to multiple blogs. She is a former co-owner of the California Apparel News and had a career in the healthcare industry. Her passions include traveling, real food, the environment, and animal rescue/welfare. She lives a healthy lifestyle and has been a vegetarian since 1987. She and her husband are parents to two rescue pups and reside in Connecticut.
I really appreciated this! I am a newlywed and my husband recently starting his immersion into trisports this past September. Definitely experienced some uncomfortable change and disruption to our newfound love bubble, but am taking it on because I can see how good it is for his mind and self-esteem to know he can accomplish such challenging physical feats. He is venturing to do his first 1/2 Ironman in Hawaii next June – ironically which falls right before our 1 year anniversary and think I’m going to go all out for this. Matching athletic zip ups and do it right! I didn’t make the second one he did due to work conflicts so he took a friend that he trained with and did great.
I will be reading more posts!
Hi Taylor. Welcome. I hope you are spending some special time after the race in Hawaii. The island is gorgeous and full of tons of fun activities if you haven’t been before. We have tons of suggestions in our Kona guides as we have been many times. I even got married there! Let us know if we can answer any questions or help in any way!
I think I am still #1 after 3 years of being a Sherpa, but I can see how moving into #2 could benefit me 😊 My first full IM race was exhausting, frustrating and full of anxiety by the end of it… I always befriend lonely Sherpas at the race for moral support and tell them about your club.
Thank you so much! It’s much nicer to be with fellow trisupporters than standing all by yourself…
I finally divorced my tri husband because life with him became incredibly boring. Who cares what your personal best time is? Grow up! I find triathletes vapid and self absorbed by their endless fitness rituals. The money and time that went to the pursuit of his fitness goals made me think I was living with a teenaged boy who couldn’t stop thinking about his own performance. I am so glad I divorced his ass. I hope his expensive bike and athletic apparel bring him much comfort when he is burnt out from pushing his body for years. What a waste!!!
Ouch! I’m so sorry for the horrible experience you had. Luckily, not all triathletes are that bad. I wish you all the best in your new life, seriously…
We have a two year old and i have a full time demanding academic career so am transitioning from All In to It’s His Thing.sometimes it’s just the stage of life . I’ve only missed there of his > 10 ironmaster races and we have zero non rave vacations.
Luckily our kids were not quite that young when we got pulled into triathlons. You’re so right about the stage of life. We’re just getting back after a 2 year break but with my work and previous obligations now I’m missing at least 1 if not 2 of the races this year. Can’t be helped.
I missed one race because baby was less than a month old, and two races because I was in a different continent.
I always feel guilty for missing races because he has dnfed or done less well at races I miss. He also has difficulties falling asleep on race night when I’m not there. But I think he’s over that now so hopefully will be fine at the next race I’m missing.
That’s actually kind of sweet that he needs you so much at races, but I hope he hasn’t blamed you! I’m laughing that you said you think he’s over that now…I guess he’s matured!
Well, I think those are pretty darn good excuses! Just hope you didn’t get any grief…
It is very challenging if we have a husband that is a triathlete but at the same time very proud. As a wife, I am an all out support to him.
Me too, but it can be very trying sometimes and this year, I have to miss a few of the races due to previous obligations!
Yeah, there’s definitely a 5th option of just being sick of it and getting resentful. My wife had a midlife crisis and decided the 70.3 had to be done… then signed up for a 2nd, then a 3rd. Had to get the carbon bike and signed up for months of personal training and monthly massages. Ugggggg.
The 7 days-a-week of training schedule and credit-card-debt-funded athletic career is getting really aggravating. It’s crossing the clinical-line into being an addiction or compulsion.
When there’s nobody waiting at the finish line, that should be an indication that your priorities are out of whack.
I’m right with John. My wife has done sprints and olympics for years, and I was okay with that. The training was minimally intrusive and more then adequate to stay in excellent shape. But at 40, it was 70.3. Suddenly it was 3-4 hour workouts ALL THE TIME. She started changing more physically, becoming nothing but muscle, which I do not find attractive. All while I slog away at a job I hate for 12+ hours a day, with no time to do anything for me. This was supposed to be one and done, but she’s training for her second and says it won’t be her last. After 20 years, it it isn’t, it’ll be the last one I’m at. And if 140.6 come out of her mouth, I’m walking away.
I hope you’ve communicated how you’re feeling to her. This sounds serious. You really have to talk this out and see where you can reach a compromise before it does irreparable harm.