Let’s talk about something a bit serious as triwives and tripartners…
I will start by saying I REALLY do love that my husband is a triathlete and the great lifestyle, health, and travel it brings to our lives. BUT, if I’m being totally honest – and I am – sometimes I get lonely. Now, I’m talking about life without the kids here – just triathlete and triwife.
Granted, our jobs are very different. He is a business executive and works a lot. Then, add to his day about 3 hours of workouts during the week and 4-6 hours on the weekends. Me, well I own my own business as a writer, social media consultant, and brand builder. I work from home mainly, but when I am away, it is usually for a few days to a week at a time with travel. I think this gives you a good picture about just how much time we spend apart.
So, there are times I inevitably get lonely, which leads to me getting upset about his workouts. After a long work day, when the end of the day comes, I am ready for some wine and chat, but surprise, he is off for another work out. In order to not have this turn into anything serious, we, and notice I say WE, had to come up with some creative solutions to make both of us happy.
Here are some of the ways we’ve worked out to resolve this issue:
- We changed our morning routine. Now, instead of hubby going to the pool, trainer, or to workout and then straight to the office, we are getting up 15 minutes earlier. I walk the dogs, prep breakfast, and then schedule my social media for the day. By that time, he is in the shower and I am making breakfast. We then sit down together and catch up before the day gets away from us.
Enjoying breakfast together at home.
- I head to his office every now and then to meet him for lunch.
- We communicate about his workouts and plan our time around them. If he has a light workout night, we make sure to go out to dinner when he is done.
- I organize my day so that when he has an evening bike ride, I take the first few minutes of it and sit with him while he warms up and we chat. I might even pour a glass of wine and make this our “happy hour”!
- Once the kids went off to college, I started to do things on my own at night when either he is working late or has a long workout. I like to attend the theater, National Geographic Live Lectures, and other great events in the community. Granted, this is not for everyone, but I have always been comfortable doing things alone.
So, whether you work in or outside the home, you know the life of a triwife/partner is much different from the life of a triathlete and we are left with plenty of alone time to fill. And, while I still get lonely as the triwife, I am learning how to get past it. It’s just that there are some days that are much harder than others…
– DANA
DO YOU FIND THE LIFE OF A TRIWIFE TO BE LONELY? HOW DO YOU COPE?
Sherry is one of the TriWivesClub and LifeDoneWell co-founders and contributes to multiple blogs. She is a former co-owner of the California Apparel News and had a career in the healthcare industry. Her passions include traveling, real food, the environment, and animal rescue/welfare. She lives a healthy lifestyle and has been a vegetarian since 1987. She and her husband are parents to two rescue pups and reside in Connecticut.
Great post Dana! My husband rides motocross, so I know the feeling. During race season (8 months of the year) we missed a lot of afternoons together so he could train at the closest track, which is 45 minutes away, or do maintenance on his bike. Weekends were often taken over by driving and camping for practice/race weekend. It can get lonely since the few women (if any) who come to the track are very busy mothers. I think the most important thing is how much it means to our husbands; he tells me every weekend that every other guy wishes their girlfriend or wife would come to the track. I started @dirtwife on instagram for wives like me – similar to triwives. Keep it up!
Thanks Michelle…heading over to IG to follow!
Well, we live an hour away from each other, we each have a kid, a job and I am back in school and he has his training 🙂 Did that sound busy? We have been dating for almost a year now and it can be challenging to find time for each other, but we try 🙂 We were both on our own for a while before we met, so doing things alone was not a big deal (are you really, ever, alone when you are raising a kid?). We cherish our times together. Do I ever wish he trained less and saw me more? Sometimes.
It sounds like you have worked things out. It’s never easy in this lifestyle and for us, it really is ever changing. If fact, it is right now. Last words were, “I refuse to do another Ironman if I have to shuffle in the run.” So, have no idea what’s in store! Let us know which races you are going to.
Good to hear solutions for this problem. My husband and I are empty nesters and while I also am proud of his accomplishments in his training and events, I feel torn. Personally, I have many things that I love to do, but having a hard time doing most everything alone. My Tri is very obsessive right down to weighing his food. While I would like to go and support him, if I go it is difficult as he likes to take his special food to the hotel. He has a hard time finding balance and tends to be in his own world. If I try to talk to him about it, he becomes defensive and accuses me of not being supportive. I’m very active and not a needy woman but recently came home from a week long trip which he seemed to miss me during (texting, sending pictures, FaceTime), but upon returning, he had a hard time adjusting his schedule to spend any time together which both hurt my feelings and surprised me. We actually have a good marriage and friendship, buts once he began competitions, the whole thing is taking its toll. Anyone experience this type of situation?
Valerie- I hear ya! It is tough and we just work through it all day by day keeping communication clear and I tell him how I feel. One thing that really has helped with food is the app MyFitnessPal! Check out my new post on Triathlons becoming part of our lives, took years and years but it finally happened. Keep us posted.