Ever since my husband was hit by a drunk driver while on his bicycle out for a training ride, I have not been able to actually grasp my feelings, until I watched a video this morning called Dear Motorist that was posted by our friend, Dave Orlowski. Afterward, I sat down, started writing, and this just flowed out of me:
A Personal Message to Cyclists and Drivers
I have been mad. Mad at drunk drivers, mad at drivers, mad at bicyclists, mad at insurance companies, mad at the amount of my time this has used, mad at how our lives have changed and what we have missed, mad at how it affected our relationship, mad at how it hurt our twins, and mad the triathlon season was lost. I have been just plain mad and continue to have trouble getting over it. Granted, it will be a good year when we can put aside the court dates and insurance filings. I think then, the healing might finally start to happen.
I know cyclists do stupid things. They don’t wear helmets; they ride 2,3, and 4 deep; they run red lights; and they get cocky. And, I am talking about professionals, triathletes, and everyday riders. It can be frustrating. I know. But, I also know that most riders ride by the rules of the road, yet continue to get injured and killed. There are two sides to the bicyclist versus automobile issue. I get it. So, here are my thoughts.
To the cyclists: Do the right thing and follow the rules of the road. There’s no sense in frustrating drivers. Chances are these frustrations will just be taken out on a fellow cyclist. And, know even when you ride appropriately, you or a loved can still get injured or killed. Drivers get distracted. And, in my husband’s case, drivers do drive drunk at all hours of the day.
To the drivers: Share the road and don’t get distracted. Give them a wide berth and please don’t honk to show your annoyance or yell cuss words at them out your window. Cyclists are at your mercy and hitting one will change your life forever. Cyclists are trying to stay safe, too, and just like a car in the lane next to you, they may need to make adjustments for safety.
In my husband’s case, this whole situation was preventable! It was a drunk driver! We cannot control bad decisions other people make, like drinking and driving, but we can help get the word out.
I am a mother of teens, a party thrower, and I have friends who drink. I like to have a drink, too. But, I also need to do my part. Granted my husband was hit at 11:30AM, but as a mother, I will not serve underage drinkers and ask that if you are one of those parents who do, think about why you are doing it and if you decide to do it, take the kids’ keys away. Think about your role as a host and as a friend, and don’t let friends drive after drinking.
Above all, drivers – please stay alert when driving. That text can wait; pick up what you dropped on the floor when you’re stopped; and the baby or child n the back seat can wait a minute, until it is safe to pull over. You get the picture. All it takes for something awful to happen is for you to take your eyes off the road for a split second.
And, you cyclists – please remember to never ride without ID. My husbands’ RoadID saved us! It is how I was contacted and ecrumb is how I found where he was being taken.
When you get in your car or on your bike this weekend, please remember my words. We must all do our part as cyclists and drivers to prevent someone getting hurt or killed and lives being changed forever. I know I am not quite over my husband being hit, but I am getting there and this video helped. So, go get a tissue and watch this video, Dear Motorist. If it changes even one person’s behavior…
Sherry is one of the TriWivesClub and LifeDoneWell co-founders and contributes to multiple blogs. She is a former co-owner of the California Apparel News and had a career in the healthcare industry. Her passions include traveling, real food, the environment, and animal rescue/welfare. She lives a healthy lifestyle and has been a vegetarian since 1987. She and her husband are parents to two rescue pups and reside in Connecticut.
Dana. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting this. My heart goes out to you and I connect with this so much. I actually am scared to go cycle outside in LA most of the time so I only do my long rides outside (which is terrible) but the drivers here DO NOT respect cyclists (although there are a TON here in La). Robin knows that Its a rare and good ride if I come home and only one person called me a “C” word (just for riding in the left most lane). or tried to (yes on purpose) to run me off the road. Soemtimes I am able to chase down the car and at a stop light ask them why my life is worth ending for them to make a statement about how they feel about a cyclist on the road. They just ignore me. Ive cried on the side of the road before out of frustration because I can’t UNDERSTAND the thought process of drivers….who see a girl on a bike on a 4 lane road…and make a conscious decision to not move over even 5 inches or change lanes and end up hitting me with their mirror and calling me a B word… I wish I could say this has only happened once…..
Thank you so much for sharing. It is so so frustrating. Always stay safe and maybe one day the laws will be better and maybe one day more drivers will have more respect. I am so sorry the frustration can cause tears but I totally understand!
on a lighter note that bike set up is DOPE. Also your house decoration is in the same vein as mine. Rustic industrial <3 Im obsessed with you house!
Come out and visit. It was a labor of love and we are still not done. I refuse to settle on one thing! I am just sad the poor bike has been sitting there since we moved in and he said he things he will only ride outside to race now. I hope he will get over that too.
Maybe I will visit 🙂 only if your husband trains with me some! ha! I too have stopped cycling outside recently….a week ago I crashed my motorcycle and have been scared of 2 wheel adventures….but Robin assures me i just need to give it time :). Im sure he is right. I just keep reliving the feeling of crashing when I go outside…
How rude are people? Unbelievable! I am so sorry your husband was hit by a drunk driver 🙁 My son and I were hit last winter on our way to school by a guy who ran the red light. It was my first ever accident and it was terrifying. We did not get seriously hurt, but I stopped driving long distance for the rest of the winter.
My BF does NOT like biking for the same reason. People are rude or purposely driving inches away and it scares him. He does a lot of it inside even in summer 🙁 which is already too short in this area.