Advice to a new triwife – Be prepared to run their errands…
We so loved your responses to our Hooked on Triathlons – The Making of a Triwife, that I decided to pose a question to fellow triwives/partners at Ironman Arizona. Here were some of your responses both to the article and to my question, “What is the one, best piece of advice you would give to a new triwife/partner to handle life with a triathlete?” Since many responses were similar – it’s great to know we have shared experiences – I’ve picked a few and divided them into lifestyle and race day words of wisdom. Be sure to share with us what we missed…
TRIATHLON LIFESTYLE
- To anyone just starting- Buckle up! It’s an adventure! My first experience with Ironman was extremely difficult. But, we made it! It taught us a lot about ourselves, each other, our difference in parenting styles (we had 2 in elementary), and our marriage. It also taught me how much *I* am capable of doing on my own. Now, our marriage is stronger and I am stronger. You can do this!! I think the ‘tripartner’ is always taken aback at the beginning regardless of their ages, stage in their lives, and how long they’ve been married. – Jen
- Glad you’re having fun, but just beware of the time, as you will be surprised how many races are on your anniversary and birthday. I guess my best advice is learn to live with one who becomes very selfish, it’s the nature of the beast with extreme training. – Susan
- This was my husband’s first tri season…and I had NO idea what we were in for! The training was one thing, but the exhaustion from the training, and the preoccupation were also rough. Definitely set boundaries, even more important with younger kids. We have 3 and 5 year old boys, so race days were an interesting combination of fun, boredom, frustration, and excitement. All that said, it’s amazing to see them accomplish such big goals! The boys and I were so proud to see him finish and place in his age group the first year; such a great role model for our kids! – Rebecca
Dad as super role model….
- I would wholeheartedly recommend that he work with a coach who can help him ramp up to the full IM distance safely, which is very difficult at older ages and with past sedentary years.
- Figure out when he needs to talk through issues out loud, even if you are only nodding occasionally; when he needs to talk to someone who actually knows something about his dilemma and can offer real help; and when he needs to be alone.
- Recognize that this is a HUGE time AND monetary commitment. Have the discussion BEFORE it gets going, how you as a couple and/or as a family will be affected and will handle his being gone or busy a lot and the expenses. Sacrifices will have to be made by you and the kids.
RACE DAY
- Never let him do a half or longer unaccompanied. I’ve seen too many med tent visitors who got dehydrated, cramping up, etc., and shouldn’t be driving themselves home, etc.
- Do your own pre-race course recon, because those thoughtfully placed port-a-johns are for the athletes, not the spectators!
- Do your research ahead of time and have things planned for you and the kids to do during the race. Don’t expect the race to be the entertainment!
Enjoying one of the roller coasters at Cedar Point for the Rev3 race.
- Know where you are going to meet post-race, no matter what else doesn’t work with the plan during the rest of the day.
- Post race updates on his FB page to inform all of his buddies, so they don’t wear down your phone battery calling/texting you!
- Buy a portable external charger; no phone battery outlasts a 17-hour event, during which you have been checking the athlete tracker pretty much continuously ever since he got out of the water. And, if he has buddies in the race, you will need to know their current status for when he asks the next time he runs by you!
– THE TRIWIVESCLUB
WHAT PIECE OF ADVICE WOULD YOU SHARE WITH A NEW TRIWIFE/PARTNER?
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Sherry is one of the TriWivesClub and LifeDoneWell co-founders and contributes to multiple blogs. She is a former co-owner of the California Apparel News and had a career in the healthcare industry. Her passions include traveling, real food, the environment, and animal rescue/welfare. She lives a healthy lifestyle and has been a vegetarian since 1987. She and her husband are parents to two rescue pups and reside in Connecticut.
I feel like I need to chime in here on an issue that is close to me that i see in tri-supporter families and even in this article that breaks my heart. The family member deciding to do an Ironman (because a spint does not require such intense training that interferes with life) SHOULD NOT get a free pass to being selfish. and you should not let them. STAND UP for yourself and voice that doing a race on your birthday is NOT ok. because its not. That is your ONE day to be special and them planning to take that away from you (because race day is al about the racer) is terrible and I see a lot of what I call tri-abuse happen within families when a decision to do an ironman is made. It is a compromise between BOTH of you. keep the communication open and don’t just fall into the servant mode. The triathlete can choose another race (there is like 9231480948 races out there you know) they can get up at 5am to get that long run in instead of after work when they could be picking up the kids. They can plan their rest day on your anniversary or kids birthday to be there for them. It may be a great inspiration and role model to your kids to finish a race and be so dedicated but it is detrimental to see themselves be put second to a HOBBY sport. Also it is more positive role model to show BALANCE in life and that one can train and achieve great things while attending to responsibility and being dedicated to being a team with your spouse not relying on them so you can achieve your dream. Ive lived on both ends of this spectrum, I grew up with an Ironman dad (who i resented for years) and now am a triathlete myself and I see that it is possible (and not hard) to compromise and not be a selfish triathlete. Sorry for the rant but I just am sad about all the families who fall into this.
Thanks so much for sharing this Lindsay. As in every profession and/or hobby, there will be people who devote more to it then other aspects of their lives and feel their choices take priority over others in the family. While I totally agree with you about compromise, standing up for yourself when decisions are being made, etc. these things don’t happen in every family as the dynamics are all different. If only it would be that easy…That’s part of the reason we’re here, so people can voice both the good and bad of living with a triathlete and see how others handle the situation. That’s why it’s great to hear from you, because as you said, you’ve lived both lives, so to speak.